My secrets to prepare for intimacy after a mid-life divorce

Let’s face it; sex is like riding a bike: You always remember how to do it! Still, the thought of being intimate with a new man is terrifying for a lot of Prime Time Women (age 40 plus) – myself included.

Not long ago, I confessed to friends that the thought of being intimate again sent me into a mild panic.  How on earth could I undress in front of someone again? 

I had been out of the dating loop for a lifetime, so I invited my single friends to a girl’s night out. Men might be shocked to know how openly women can talk about the most intimate things. At least my friends and I can. We talked about it all – online dating, preferences in men, sex in general, sex after menopause, how many dates before having sex for the first time, and more.

One friend said, “Susan, don’t overthink it. Go online, find a rebound, drink some wine and get it over.  Just have fun, don’t aim for anything serious. Don’t think about your boobs; men don’t notice, they just love how soft we are.” 

Her encouraging words echoed in my ears that night, and I decided to give dating a chance.

I oploaded my profile on two different lonesites and went out with ten different gentlemen. Only one made it to the second date. When I met Jim, there was a psychical attraction, and great chemistry and everything felt natural. â€‹After years of “intimacy starvation,” I felt like a woman again. Jim had raised my self-worth without knowing it. Jim knew from the start that I wasn't ready to commit and that he was in jeopardy to become my "rebound."

I played with "honest cards"from the beginning because that's how I want others to treat me. 

My "preparation" advice:

Step 1: Carefully select who to date. Ask your friends to introduce you to single men (or women). Or go online dating. Make sure you always meet in a safe and neutral place. Know what you want and don't want. 

Step 2: Don’t expect to meet Mr right on the first date. Chemistry or not, everyone has a story to share. Even if you don’t end up being lovers, you may end up with a new friend.

Step 3.: Life is a playground. Have fun. You have “everything to gain, nothing to lose.” Be happy and yourself. You are good enough. 

Step 4: Be open and honest. To yourself and a potential lover/partner. If you feel like having sex on the first date, do it. "Rules" are made to break:-), and sometimes we need to get out of our comfortzone and just live life to the fullest

I have chosen to be single and not to online date. It wasn't for me. I am waiting for "Mr. Right, and I won't settle for less than a soulmate.

 I feel stronger, mentally, spiritually and physically and thanks to my experiense with Jim, I feel like a woman again. 

Below you will find some inspiration for books and articles. 

Florida greetings

Susan 

About Susan Binau

Susan is a motivational speaker, published author, and survivor of cancer and other life-threatening illnesses that changed her perspective on life. 
Her mission is to inspire others through "hands-on tools," educational programs, coaching and self-help books. 

 

Inspiration

Books:

Finding Wholeness and Happiness After Divorce (D. Byrd)
https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Wholeness-Happiness-After-Divorce/dp/1573452947
 
On My Own: The Art of Being a Woman Alone (F. Falk, Ph.D., MSW)
https://www.amazon.com/My-Own-Being-Woman-Alone/dp/1400098114/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1481898968&sr=1-1-fkmr0&keywords=Florence+Falk,+PhD,+MSW,+author+of+On+My+Own:+The+Art+of+Being+a+Woman+Alone
 
Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends (B. Fischer)
https://www.amazon.com/Rebuilding-Relationship-Books-Divorce-Beyond/dp/1886230692/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1481899014&sr=1-2&keywords=When+Your+Relationship+Ends
 
Dating Again with Courage and Confidence: The Five-Step Plan to Revitalize your Love Life after Heartbreak, Breakup, or Divorce (F. Greene)
https://www.amazon.com/Dating-Again-Courage-Confidence-Revitalize/dp/1592337600/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1481899108&sr=1-2&keywords=how+to+find+courage+to+love+after+divorce
 
Make Every Man Want You: How to Be So Irresistible You'll Barely Keep from Dating Yourself! (M. Forleo)

https://www.amazon.com/Make-Every-Man-Want-You/dp/0071597816/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1481899889&sr=1-2&keywords=how+to+know+what+you+want+from+life
 
HUFFINGTON BLOG:
Back To Basics: Regaining The Charm After Divorce
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kimberly-seltzer/dating-after-divorce_b_1756009.html
 
Dating After Divorce: 5 People You Don’t Want to Date
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jackie-pilossoph/dating-after-divorce-5-pe_b_4418166.html